Flipping Your Script

by Health & WellnessMental Health

We all have stories that we unconsciously act out. The problem is that these narratives were imposed upon us, typically by people we depended on for food, shelter, safety, and love. They gave us a script based upon their wants, needs, pain, and trauma, and not our needs, goals, purpose, skills or talents. In order to gain their approval or at least minimize their harm to us, we accepted the roles they arbitrarily assigned to us.

Acting out the unrealistic script that was imposed upon you often results in mental health, relational, financial, or other unhealthy issues. Thus, if you want to enhance your life experience and improve your health and well-being, then flipping your script to become the author of your own life is required.

 

“When writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.” 
— Unknown

The Story of Your Life

Start with, what’s the story of your life? Maybe you’re the one who takes care of others first. Possibly you’re the peacemaker who always gives in or perhaps you’re the strong one who doesn’t need help.

While the traits of imposed narratives can be positive, they can also be road blocks to your best self.

Taking care of others is not noble when it results in self-neglect or poor boundaries. Ignoring your needs for self-advocacy and self-expression just to avoid disagreement destroys inner peace. And not asking for or accepting help when necessary is not strength because no human succeeds in any way alone.

Become the Author of Your Story

In order to flip the script that you’re acting out and improve your mental health and overall wellbeing, follow the steps in ART below. This process is about learning, clarity, and improving your relationship with yourself.  It is not an opportunity to judge, criticize, or belittle yourself.

Acknowledge the story you repeat to yourself. This is the first step in the change process.

Finish this sentence by saying it out loud then writing it down on paper:
“The story of my life is…”

Bill told himself that he has to get everything done at work each shift, even though management doesn’t provide the resources and support he needs to do so.

Other examples include:

  • I should be able to do it myself.
  • Taking a break is lazy.
  • No one will like me if I speak up.
  • Things never work out for me.

Reflect on your false narrative to see its negative impact on you and how it keeps you stuck, anxious, or depressed.

Ask yourself these questions. Say the answers out loud then write them down on paper.

1. Do your stories empower, inspire, or motivate you?
2. Do your stories trigger anxiety, depression, anger, or self-harm?

Bill realized that he felt “stuck” between getting everything done and not having the resources to complete all tasks. Every day he left work angry because he didn’t have help and he felt like a failure when he couldn’t get everything done, which negatively impacted his family when he arrived home.


Transcend your narrative and rewrite your story.

If you answered no to #1 and yes to #2 above, then it’s time to rewrite your story.

Finish the sentence below by saying it out loud then writing it down on paper. Phrase the answer affirmatively and as if it’s already true.
I want the story of my life to be…

Example:
Bill’s False narrative: I’m a failure if I don’t get it all done.
Flipping the script: I am successful with appropriate resources.


Consciously base your choices and actions on your new script. Keep in mind that it may take some time for you to become accustomed to your new way a being. So, create reminders of your new script then extend yourself some grace and self-compassion as you learn to live it.

Glen Alex, LCSW, Author of LIving In Total Health, Book Release Party, Book Signing, Indie Book Award Winner, Book Excellence Award Winner

 

…to enhance your life experience and improve your health and well-being, then flipping your script to become the author of your own life is required.

You can rewrite the life story that you’ve been arbitrarily given by others and and unwittingly accepted. Your mental health and overall wellbeing require you to flip the script you’re unconsciously acting out. Using the steps in ART will help you Acknowledge the story of your life, Reflect on the unrealistic narrative, and Transcend that false narrative. Assistance from a professional therapist or life coach can help you unpack your story, process your wounds, then become the author of your own life by flipping the script.

 

To learn more about your story and total health, order your copy my 3x award-winning book Living in Total Health, order the Amazon Best Seller Wellness Through Words that includes my chapter, Living Well with Boundaries, and BOOK your free consult w/me.

Virus Protection Covid 19 The world wears a mask to fight the corona virus. The concept of fighting viruses around the world

Curing the Virus of Indifference

by Health & Wellness

Don’t wait for February, the time of year we celebrate romantic love. While Valentine’s Day can be exciting and loving, it’s only one day. That means for most of the remaining year, love is not a priority. My continued hope for humanity is that we experience and share authentic love daily and in every form in addition to romance.

Getting there, however, requires a deeper understanding of what love truly is and why it’s so vital for each of us individually and for the collective, humankind. Healing wounds from abuse, trauma, separation, and unresolved grief is the path to true love and its abundance. Healing means that you honor yourself enough to acknowledge your pain, to seek help, to do the work, and to love you. Individual healing can cure the virus of indifference that continues to plague humanity because healthy individuals create a healthy collective.

“The creation of a more peaceful and happier society has to begin from the level of the individual, and from there it can expand to one’s family, to one’s neighborhood, to one’s community and so on.”
–Dalai Lama

Indifference Still Plagues Humanity

I am frustrated because indifference is still the virus that plagues humanity.

The pandemic gave humanity a golden opportunity to at least start the healing process—reflect on personal issues, bridge the divides between political sides, races, cultures, and socioeconomic classes. Being isolated for nearly 2 years, we had the chance to honestly reflect on our individual health and contributions to the collective, to right the ship by doing more positive while minimizing harm to self and others.

Glen Alex, LCSW, Author of Living In Total Health, Curing the Virus of Indifference, blog, The Glen Alex Show

Instead of the blatant dismissal and demonization of humans who think, feel, and live differently during the pandemic and the elections in 2020 and 2024, we could have sought to understand others. Keep in mind that understanding is not agreement nor is it condoning. Understanding is simply setting your need to be right aside to clearly see another person’s perspective.

Note that most people only seek to confirm their existing beliefs rather than open up to learn new information and insights. This means that individuals tend to limit themselves to what they already know, which in the greater scheme of things is not much because of the vast body of knowledge outside of individual consciousness.

Curing the virus of indifference is not solely the responsibility of politicians and leaders. Yes, they are charged with making the best decisions for the greater good. However, individuals do create the collective. So if more of us took personal responsibility for how we think, feel, and behave then make the healthiest choices available, there’d be less corruption and greed in leadership and the collective.

I sincerely hope that we don’t fail again. With the pandemic and elections behind us, let us build upon the community and support of human beings that’s currently present during the wildfires in the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.

How You Can Help Cure the Virus of Indifference

“You can’t control the external world, but you can influence it.
Start by taking charge of your internal world.”   
—Tony Robbins

You may ask yourself, “What can I do about what’s happening in the world?” Well, you can start with recognizing that your choices do impact the collective. Below are a few action steps you can take to advance the state of humanity.

1. Focus on your personal realm of control and responsibility. Trying to ‘fix’ another person or control their choices and outcomes is overwhelming and unrealistic. Such efforts set you up for failure, anxiety, and depression. Individually, you can’t change another person, stop the war in Ukraine, end homelessness, nor stop natural disasters.

However, you can control what you think, feel, say, and do–eat, drink, read, buy, exercise, pay attention to, and vote. You also control who you spend time with.

2. Elevate your self-care. Self-care, another aspect of life you control, is crucial because tending to your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health establishes the foundation upon which to build authenticity, resilience, and stability.

Get adequate sleep and rest, nourish with the right foods for you, surround yourself with loving and supportive people, strengthen your boundaries, and seek help from professionals when needed. The healthier you are, the better choices you make and the collective benefits.

3. Live mindfully. Aligning your mind with your body in the here-and-now, the present moment, is also called mindfulness, within which is where your power and control reside. When present, you are open to insights and guidance from your intuition, you are more deeply aware of what’s happening within and outside of you, and you tap into your innate gifts and strengths.

4. Learn to empathize. Seeking to understand rather than being understood evokes empathy and respect for the humanity in others. Empathy deepens human connection and, I believe, can cure indifference. The more connected you are to another human being, then the more you understand the loving interdependence that binds us all to each other and strive to nurture rather than sever that connection.

Taking these action steps will enhance your life and positively contribute to humanity. When you exercise your locus of control, have good self-care, are mindful, and have empathy, you empower yourself. And that leads to you treating yourself and others well, which is advantageous for the collective.

Show humanity some love this February and beyond. Together you and I can cure the virus of indifference.

 

To learn more about To learn more about your health and humanity,

Glen Alex, The Glen Alex Show, Health Blog, Self Advocacy, health and wellness

Why Self-Advocacy is Important for Your Health and Well-being

by Health & WellnessHealthy LivingMental Health

Do you speak up for yourself?

I am an advocate. I’m an advocate for my health and well-being, making conscious choices that sometimes buck against the “norm” and expectations of others. And I am an advocate for the health and wellness of others.

“I learned a long time ago the wisest thing I can do is be on my own side, be an advocate for myself and others like me.”
–Maya Angelou

Benefits of Advocating for Yourself

And I’m also a huge proponent of you advocating for yourself. Quite simply, self-advocacy is speaking up for yourself to get your needs met appropriately. Those needs can include nourishment, sleep, help in the home or with the kids, positive regard, respect, effective medical care, and self-care time. Your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health depend upon you getting your needs met with the cooperation of loved ones, coworkers, supervisors, politicians, and medical providers.

Advocating for yourself is required for your authentic experience of love and joy, and for your total health. It is also important for you to know that unmet needs lead to depression, anxiety, illness, addiction, and other unhealthy conditions.

One client presented with anxiety and panic attacks. She usually “goes with the flow” when her husband and family make plans and does not express her needs or desires. When things don’t turn out the way she wants, she gets angry which expresses itself as anxiety and panic.

Advocating for yourself is required for your
authentic experience of love and joy, and for your total health.

So, understand that if you are not comfortable speaking up for yourself and allow others to direct your life and experience, then your emotional boundaries are the issue. Reminder from Living In Total Health and previous blogs: emotional boundaries involve relinquishing your needs to please others, giving in to others against your better judgement, and taking unrealistic responsibility for the choices of others.

How to Advocate for Yourself

You can learn to self-advocate, however. Follow these simple steps to ADVOCATE for yourself:

A


cknowledge your needs and list them

D


etermine to whom and when to communicate your needs – spouse/partner, siblings, doctor

V


ocalize your needs with your words, communicating them to who you identified above

O


rganize your time, energy, and resources to allow space for you to get what you need

C


ontrol what you can, including your choices, reactions, and resources

A


sk for help and information when necessary

T


ake time for self-care, to self-soothe, to self-nurture

E


ducate yourself by doing your own research

You can follow these simple self-advocacy steps to enhance your health and well-being by getting your needs met appropriately, which will enable you to be whole and live fully — be wellthy.

For more information on advocacy, check out this episode of The Glen Alex Show, What You Need to Know About Hospital Errors and Advocacy on Youtube, iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and your favorite podcast platform.

Then visit GlenAlex.com to order your copy of Glen’s 3x award-winning book, Living In Total Health, and to request your complimentary consultation with Glen.

glen alex, living in total health, journal notebook, journal therapy, glenalex.com

Journaling to Enhance Your Mental Health and Well-being

by Health & WellnessHealthy LivingMental Health

I know firsthand the value and benefits of therapeutic writing. I experienced its powerful effects on mental and emotional health long before becoming a Clinical Social Worker and psychotherapist.

My childhood diary was my best and most loyal friend. It accepted all of my thoughts, feelings, and experiences without judgement. My diary provided an outlet for the mostly impoverished life I was born into. I say mostly because some of the non-monetary aspects of being poor positively impacted me then and richly influence my work now.

“Sometimes only the paper will listen to you.”
–Anonymous

Journaling to Heal

In my early twenties, I joined a dream group that lasted more than 7 years. During this time, I journaled hundreds of my dreams for interpretation by me and the group members. If you’re thinking that interpreting dreams is “out there” or crazy or weird or stupid, then you are wrong. Dream interpretation is a powerful psychological tool utilized by the founder of Psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud, PhD and Psychiatrist Carl Jung, PhD. The International Association for the Study of Dreams carries on this work. Anyway, journaling my dreams brought me new awareness, effective processing, and insights crucial to my health and healing.

Glen Alex, Clinical Social Worker, author of Living In Total Health, Indie Book Award Winner, Host of The Glen Alex Show, Positive Change Podcast Award Winner, Health, Healing, Journal Therapy, Mental Health, Well-being

I’ve also learned along the way that journaling has a positive impact on physical health as well. James Pennebaker, PhD is a Social Psychologist and author, and is known for his research on therapeutic writing, journaling. His studies have shown that in addition to healthy mindset shifts, journal therapy reduced the number of medical visits study participants had for up to six months after journaling.

“People who wrote about their deepest thoughts and feelings surrounding a trauma evidenced an impressive drop in illness visits after the study.”
–James Pennebaker, PhD, The Healing Power of Expressing Emotions

Journaling Tips for You

Because of these powerful benefits, I highly recommend journaling to my clients, particularly those with anxiety, depression, and difficulty sleeping. Those who do journal appreciate the new insights they learn about themselves, experience relief from their baggage, and sleep better.

To enhance your self-awareness and healing, here are few easy to implement tips for you:

1. Take a moment. Make sure you have privacy. Center by closing your eyes or focusing on a spot, and breathe deeply.

2. Start where you are. Journaling is not about being a best-selling author. It’s about expressing yourself. So write without judging your spelling, grammar, nor even what you say.

3. Dump your mind. Clients who do the mind dump report falling asleep faster and getting better quality sleep. It’s simple…your last act at bedtime is to write whatever is on your mind. It can be a recap of your day, ideas you have, your to-do list for the next day, etc.

4. Pick your topic. The more you journal, then the more personal your journal becomes. You will choose to write about specific themes or triggers in your life. Some even focus on what they’re grateful for. There are many sources for journaling prompts to get you started.

5. Express your uniqueness. Do you. Use whatever words and phrases you desire. And be as creative as you want to be. And if you prefer to speak your journal, then by all means record a verbal journal.

6. Reflect. Evaluating what your journal reveals to you is a critical step in your healing journey because it avails you of new, better, and healthier choices. ask yourself questions like What did I learn about myself? What surprised me the most? What was I reminded of? How can I use this information?

“Journaling is like whispering to one’s self and listening at the same time.”
— Mina Murray, Fictional Character

For more information on journal therapy, check out this episode of The Glen Alex Show, Discover the Healing Power of Journaling on Youtube.  Glen’s guest is Journal Therapist Kathleen Adams who offers a free online journal course, J is for Journal.

The most important aspect of journaling is to give yourself permission to just start and allow the pen or your voice to reveal insights to you. Then follow the steps above for health and healing.

herbs_ai-generated-8775370_1280_pixabay

How to be Your Own Shaman

by Health & WellnessHealthy Living

Living In Total Health requires that you integrate your wholeness and your individuality into any health regimen. Inherent in this process is taking responsibility for your health—your choices and the consequent outcomes.

Your choices include, but are not limited to, what you eat and drink, your activity level, your mindset, your relationships, how you respond to challenges and difficulties, how you promote sleep, your utilization of health care, and how you personalize your own path to health.

“When you give your body the right tools, it knows how to be well.”
–Jane Barlow Christensen, Master Herbalist, Author of Be Your Own Shaman

Herbs and Natural Healing

Be aware that your choices also include credible alternative health care in addition to traditional medicine. One very credible alternative medicine practice is natural healing via herbal remedies. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, humans have used herbs to treat diseases and maintain health for thousands of years. And MountSinai.org says that when “used correctly, herbs can help treat a variety of conditions, and in some cases, may have fewer side effects than some conventional medications.”

Please note that the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) does not regulate herbs and supplements. Therefore, products are not allowed to claim to treat specific conditions.

Recommendations for Using Herbs

As for herbs, I believe that nature’s remedies work when administered properly and that you can Be Your Own Shaman. 

Below are my recommendations for using herbs to enhance your total health.

1) Do your own research. Check out the product quality and the integrity of the company that produces the herb. Not all products are created equal and some companies don’t care much about the quality of their product. While it’s okay to attend to the opinion of ‘experts’, it’s even more impactful to learn the information for yourself. This is my recommendation for all areas of health because there is NO one-size-fits-all approach to any level of health.

2) Follow the product instructions or consult an herbal professional. While your individuality matters in total health, altering the instructions right off the bat without knowing how the herbs effect you may do more harm than good. So if you want to personalize any herbal remedy, then please consult a professional herbalist.

3) Listen to your body. The human body is wise and communicates regularly about what works for it and what does not work for it. Understanding what your body is communicating requires you to be present to your experience. So if you experience nausea, dizziness, rash, headache, upset stomach, sneezing, watery eyes, or other negative symptoms after consuming the herbs, then stop taking it and consult with a health care professional.

4) Make the appropriate lifestyle changes. Many chronic diseases like diabetes, IBS, chronic pain, and hypertension are impacted by diet, activity level, stress, and mindset. Herbs alone, just like medication alone, will not ‘fix’ some physical issues that most hope for because lifestyle issues are in play. Neither medication nor herbs will fix any condition that is created by and/or reinforced by lifestyle factors.

 

Herbal remedies can work for you to improve and maintain your health as a viable alternative to traditional medicine. Yet, your active participation is crucial to how herbs benefit you and your overall health. To that end, you control many variables in your own health. By doing your research, following product instructions, consulting an herbal professional, listening to your body, and making the lifestyle choices to promote health, you can Be Your Own Shaman.

glen alex, living in total health, the glen alex show, humanity, pandemic, covid, shutdowns, pause

How to Cure the Virus of Indifference

by Health & Wellness

Sadly, humans have not learned from the pandemic. I’m sure you recall that the Corona virus inflicted death, destruction, and massive uncertainty around the globe. People’s lives, routines, and normal sense of security were upended. Add to that the record number of natural disasters, the worldwide social discord over the video-taped murder of an unarmed man by police, and political unrest. A regular thought of mine in 2020 was, “What is happening?”

“We could have cured indifference.”
–Glen Alex

The hate that people and groups hurled at one another over disagreement was salient. The absence of empathy and the staunch refusal to listen to one another with any modicum of openness led me to realize that indifference was the virus. Still, I had hope for humanity.

 

glen alex, living in total health, the glen alex show, humanity, pandemic, covid, shutdowns, pause

A Golden Opportunity

Even though Rona caused so much pain and exposed the dark side of humans, the shutdowns provided us with a golden opportunity, as do all challenges. The ashes strewn about by the fires of the pandemic gave us humans the chance to learn and grow individually, and to create a healthier collective. As unrealistic as it seemed, personal and social conditions in 2020 were favorable for positive, lasting changes for us all because order is always preceded by chaos.

We could have collectively created a new world order, one full of loving purpose, genuine camaraderie, and mutual respect of each other’s humanity. We could have cured indifference.

“People who are physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually balanced do not intentionally harm self or others.”
–Glen Alex
glen alex, living in total health, the glen alex show, humanity, pandemic, covid, shutdowns, pause

Instead, it was business as usual when the global pause button was released. Play involved the resumption of hateful and harmful acts toward self and others. People blamed everyone else for their own mistakes and failures. Police brutality was caught on camera, again. Those who don’t meet performance criteria cheat the process. Modern day slavery is at an all-time high. “What is happening?” and “Why have we squandered the redo life offered us?”

I want better for myself, for you, for humanity. We can do better. And I must say that if more of us were Living In Total Health, then there would be less pain, suffering, and oppression in the world because people who are physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually balanced do not intentionally harm self or others. It is my hope, still, for all of us to awaken to our windows of opportunity to improve and have the courage to act upon them.

 

What You Can do to Cure Indifference

You may ask yourself, “What can I do about the world?” Well, you can start with recognizing that your choices do impact the collective. So keep reading for simple action steps you can take to advance the state of humanity.

1. Identify your locus of control, which is your personal realm of control and responsibility. Trying to fix another person’s problems, trying to govern their choices, and trying to control their outcomes gets overwhelming. Such efforts set you up for failure, anxiety, and depression. Individually, you can’t change another person, stop the war in Ukraine, or end homelessness.

However, you can control what you eat, drink, read, buy, pay attention to, and vote for. You also control your behavior, your activities, and who you spend time with.

glen alex, living in total health, the glen alex show, humanity, pandemic, covid, shutdowns, pause, self care

2. Take care of yourself. While self-care is within your locus of control, it’s useful to focus on it because tending to your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health establishes your foundation upon which to build authenticity and resilience. Get adequate rest, nourish with the right foods for you, surround yourself with loving and supportive people, strengthen your boundaries, and seek help from professionals when needed. The healthier you are, the better choices you make.

3. Be present. Align your mind with your body in the here-and-now, in the present moment. This is also called mindfulness. With mindfulness comes your power and control. You are then open to insights and guidance from your intuition, you are more deeply aware of what’s happening within and outside of you, and you tap into your innate strengths.

4. Develop empathy. Seeking to understand rather than being understood evokes empathy and respect for the humanity in others. Empathy deepens human connection and, I believe, can cure indifference. The more connected you are to another human being, then the more you understand the loving interdependence that binds us all to each other.

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
― Stephen R. Covey

Taking these action steps will enhance your life and positively contribute to humanity. When you exercise your locus of control, have good self-care, are mindful, and have empathy, you empower yourself. And that leads to you treating yourself and others well, which positively benefits the collective.

Even when your life is hard, even when you are stressed out, and even when things aren’t going your way do your part to improve the state of humanity. Together you and I can cure the virus of indifference.

Glen Alex, Champion of Equality, tennis player, tennis fan, health advocate, author, Living In Total Health, Indie Book Award Winner, Book Excellence Award Winner, The Glen Alex Show, Positive Change Podcast Winner, US Open, Billie Jean King, Venus Williams

Champions of Equality

by Health & Wellness

Do What You Love; Rewards Follow

It was my honor and privilege to represent the United States Tennis Association (USTA) Intermountain at the inaugural Champions of Equality event, which commemorated the 50th anniversary of equal prize money at the US Open. Though it was a huge surprise, it’s very validating to be acknowledged for years of my charitable work with beginners and restarters, my tennis fundraisers, and for my volunteering on the Parks & Recreation, Rules, and Diversity & Inclusion Committees. I accepted the invitation to attend as an Honoree immediately.

Boy, I’m so glad I did! The experience exceeded my expectations. I knew the event would be impactful with hearing Billie Jean King and Venus Williams talk about equality–the challenges, the successes, and the work still to do. However, I could not foresee how special and historical it all would be.

I could not foresee how special and historical it all would be.
—Glen Alex

Let me back up to the beginning. The event kicked off with a meet and greet in the Player Garden behind Arthur Ashe stadium. The ambiance was created with beautiful patio furniture, high tops, bars, and delicious hors d’oeuvres. Oh, and the DJ who looked like a super model played high energy music. I met other USTA section nominees and women champions of equality in the corporate world. Another perk was having the opportunity to see players come and go plus reconnecting with WTA staff, coaches, and commentators I knew from my days working with the WTA and the Bryan Brothers.

We USTA section representatives received beautiful glass awards honoring our passion for tennis and dedication to equality plus tickets to the women’s semifinals matches after the event. Bonus…a picture with Billie Jean.

Glen Alex, Clinical Social Worker, Wellth Counseling, Living In Total Health, Author, Host of The Glen Alex Show, Indie Book Award Winner, Book Excellence Award Winner, Positive Change Podcast Award Winner

The Equality Discussion

After the meet and greet, we all gathered in the Player Interview Room where broadcast journalist Christiane Amanpour lead the equality discussion with trailblazing Grand Slam Champion Billie Jean, 7-time Grand Slam Singles Champion Venus Williams, and Telva McGruder, General Motors’ Chief Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Officer. Every time I hear Billie Jean speak, I am amazed at her drive and passion for what is right. Even though she faced tremendous adversity, Billie Jean continued the fight for equality. Her clear and vivid way of communicating is moving and empowering.

Venus Williams’ fight for equality is a continuation, albeit a modernization, of Billie Jeans’ efforts. Most tennis fans don’t know that Venus was instrumental in the WTA partnering with supplement sponsors to enhance the health and wellbeing of players. And I don’t think enough has been said about what Venus has done to bring about equal prize money at Wimbledon and the French Open.

It was a pleasure to see Billie Jean and Venus again, as I met Billie Jean in Indian Wells and Venus when I worked with the Bryan Bros. Telva McGruder shared very interesting information about GM’s decades’ long efforts in leveling the equal pay playing field. She also talked about corporations in general doing more to equalize humanity.

Glen Alex, Clinical Social Worker, Wellth Counseling, Living In Total Health, Author, Host of The Glen Alex Show, Indie Book Award Winner, Book Excellence Award Winner, Positive Change Podcast Award Winner, Venus Williams, Grand Slam Champion
“Pressure is a privilege.”
–Billie Jean King

Do What You Love

The inaugural Champions of Equality event was amazing—from the meet and greet, photo op, award, to the equality discussion. Billie Jean, Venus, and Telva are champions in tennis and in life, and have inspired me to do more work to grow tennis and to do more to level the playing field in humanity. Thank you USTA Intermountain and the Nevada District for rewarding my love of tennis and my efforts to grow the game. There is more to come.

Do what you love.

The rewards will follow.

Glen Alex, Author, Clinical Social Worker, USTA Nevada, USTA Intermountain, Champions of Equality, Indie Book Award Winner, Book Excellence Award Winner, The Glen Alex Show, Positive Change Podcast Award Winner, Billie Jean King, Venus Williams, US Open, Equal Pay
courage

Courage in Healing

by Health & Wellness

Inexplicably, I’m having difficulty putting my thoughts about courage on paper. I usually get into a nice writing flow when it comes to topics I’m passionate about. Courage is one of them. Healing is another. Though not so easy this time.

Is it because I’m uncertain about writing from an intellectual perspective? Because I’m thinking of too many elements? Or is it fear of not being clear enough? Alas, I forge ahead despite not knowing why I block. So I will start here.

Courage vs Fear

As a Clinical Social Worker, I work with adults who suffer from depression and/or anxiety. These conditions typically stem from unresolved family-of-origin, relationship, grief, and self-worth issues. Whatever the root cause, mental and emotional issues require courage to heal.

Many situations trigger fear. Skydiving evokes fear of plummeting to earth and dying. An interview brings up fear of not getting the job. Fear of looking stupid or dumb arises when speaking in public, even in social settings. And working through painful and troubling experiences stirs up layers of fear.

So what does fear have to do with courage? Well, they are very connected. Some think that courage is the absence of fear. It is not. Courage involves being aware of and even experiencing fear in the face of appropriate action to be taken and taking that action anyway. Skydivers skydive. Jobseekers interview. People speak–socially, publicly. Those in pain heal.

It’s easy to lump what’s realistic with the unrealistic into one nebulous monster, blurring the truth of who you truly are.

Healing Pain

When it comes to mental and emotional health, processing, working through, and ultimately healing pain and trauma requires courage. You see, a certain identity of self gets imprinted when going through such experiences. That identity usually includes, but is not limited to, self-blame, self-loathing, shame, dread for the future, helplessness, hopelessness, and escape via substances, overspending, poor self-care and sometimes suicide.

The fear is in the unpacking of traumatic events. Clients are afraid that pulling back the layers of their pain will reveal that they truly are unworthy, deserved the trauma, and/or are unlovable—that the imprint is true 💯 percent. And others will then see their defective, gaping hole inside. While the fear of being these things paralyzes people and stunts their human growth, it is a false prophet.

Healing starts with facing this façade of self-hatred and internalized dejection. Then breaking the façade down to discern the realistic aspects of your pain from the unrealistic ones to lead to a deeper understanding of self and your experiences. 

imprint, identity, pixabay

“Courage is required to unpack your pain, release the negative imprint, and create a new, healthier identity for yourself.”
–Glen Alex

False Identity

It’s easy to lump what’s realistic with the unrealistic into one nebulous monster, blurring the truth of who you truly are.

For example, a client who was sexually abused in childhood by an adult cousin believes he caused it to happen because something was wrong with him. The reality is he was not the problem. There was something very wrong with his perverted cousin.

In another example, a client blamed herself for her husband’s abusiveness. She told herself that if she were a better woman and a lovable person, then she would not provoke him to hit her and she would do everything right. The reality? She is not responsible for his behavior, no human is perfect, and abusers choose to abuse, no matter the circumstance.

Whether your experience involves abuse or other trauma, the courage in healing is about acknowledging and releasing the faulty imprint born out of pain, discerning what is real and what isn’t, and reconnecting with the truth that you are worthy and lovable and human.

Yes, this process can be frightening because courage does contain an element of risk–the risk of letting go of the identity you accepted and lived up to. It’s a risk worth taking because the payoff is no longer seeing or treating yourself as damaged and defective. 

Courage Within You

To evoke your innate courage to heal, SPeLL it.

S


eek help

Asking for help is strength, not weakness. Speaking with a professional psychotherapist or a supportive friend who understands the power of listening can enable you to make peace with your past and strengthen your coping skills for life challenges going forward. If you could heal alone–without guidance, support, or resources, then you would already be healed.

P


resence

Start where you are, not where you should be. Many people so want to be there now and choose to ignore the steps required in the here and now to get there. Attune to your life as it exists in this moment, identify the healthy changes you want to make (how you want your life to be), then take the first step.

Start wherever you are. Acknowledging that I was stuck with writing this blog grounded me in the present moment and opened me up to let the writing flow begin.

L


earn in Action

Anxiety demands perfection and pressures you to know exactly how to and guarantee success. So much pressure to do the impossible! Being human requires learning on the job. Experience is the teacher. While we can gather as much information as possible to get started, we can’t know everything upfront nor control the outcome. What we can do is learn as we go, adjusting to strategies that work and letting go of those that don’t. Learning is in the doing.

L


ight Bulb

Aha moments bring non-judgmental understanding that resonates deeply within. These light bulbs also include clarity about you, your personal truth and worth, and can lead you to the next step. Aha’s occur when you are open to perspectives that belie the imprint, are present, and allow yourself to learn. Seeking help, being present, and learning in the doing help you learn to be you.

glen alex, living in total health, wellth counseling, the glen alex show, indie book award winner, excellence book award winner, positive change podcast award winner, clinical social worker

You can heal. Seek help, be Present, Learn in the doing, and be aware of Light bulbs to arouse your courage to heal because healing is the right thing to do. So be afraid and do it anyway.

phone-wallpaper-1213475_1920_heart in sky_pixabay (2)

L.O.V.E.

by Health & Wellness

What is love to you? Many people regard love as a feeling, a warm fuzzy in the cockles of the heart. This feeling typically represents connection to a person or object, with intensity that varies according to who or what is involved.

What is love to you?


In romantic love, a bouquet, jewelry, and words represent how one partner feels about the other. It’s as if love is infused in the object. With familial love, the meaning tends to fall on the quantity of attention, rather than the quality of it. If a parent pays more attention to a needier child, then the sibling may interpret that as being unloved and unlovable. When it comes to humanity, this type of love is unfortunately measured by conformity to narrowly defined standards of being. And self-love is oft aligned with and measured by the objects, attention, and approval one receives from others.

When I think of love, I think of a state of being; existence. Love is like air…in it, surrounded by it, taking it in at all times.

“Imagine being wrapped in a warm blanket of support and acceptance every moment of every day. As with air, this experience of love is always accessible.”
–Living In Total Health

Love is the experience of breathing. The depth of breath changes from time to time. Some moments are filled with shallow, chest breaths–superficial or inhibited experience of love. Other moments involve deep breathing—full inhale and complete exhale, absorbing connectedness like a sponge.

You see, the feeling of love occurs when we choose to attune to it and breathe it in. The Bee Gees asked, “How deep is your love?” My answer is, it’s as deep as your breath. Having difficulty attuning and experiencing love? Keep in mind, that love is ignited by action.

“Love is a verb.”
–Stephen Covey

Contrary to popular belief, love is not a noun, a thing to behold. Again, love is an experience that requires active engagement…action. So to feel love, BID. Please note that while the experience of love is enhanced by those who nurture and support your best, love is always available to you.

B


e Present

I refer to being present, mindful awareness, often, in my life, on The Glen Alex Show, and with clients. Being present is connective in a most powerful way. You are present when your mind and body are in the same time and space, and are aligned with reality. Being present can also be experienced as a pinpoint focus, being absorbed by a single topic or task so that distractions don’t exist. When present, you have the most power and control over your life and your experience. You can then consciously breathe and feel love.

“…maximize connection to self and life by being present.
Attune the mind with the body and the body with the mind.
You will experience more control and power than imaginable.”
–Living In Total Health

I


dentify

Make conscious note of activities and situations that bring you joy. It may be music, writing, crafting, snuggling, yoga, meditation, etc. Your conscious note of things that bring you joy is a list of caring behaviors that are small acts of kindness for self. The intrinsic value of activities such as these is in your engagement in them. No external approval needed. Incorporate joyful activities in your life daily to increase your baseline level of love and connection.

One of my clients has a very busy life with work and family. She instills joy into her life with a hot bath or Jacuzzi soak nightly.

D


o

Perform caring behaviors for yourself even if you don’t ‘feel like it’. And lean in during especially stressful moments in your life. Unfortunately, many people stop doing the things that make them feel good when the going gets tough. I say that “the going” softens when you experience joy and connect with the love that surrounds you at all times. So as Nike says, “Just do it!”

Love surrounds and is accessible for you 24/7. The choice is yours and does not require objects, attention nor approval from others. Simply BID on it.

 

Need assistance with feeling love and connection? Then visit glenalex.com to order your copy of Living In Total Health from our Amazon Distributor and get a complimentary consultation with Glen.

Glen Alex, Living In Total Health, The Glen Alex Show, 5 Tips for Living in Balance during the Holidays, Stress, stress management, mental health, anxiety, depression

5 Tips for Living in Balance during the Holidays

by Health & Wellness

At this time of year, everyone is supposed to be joyful. Yet, holiday stress can override your authentic experience of love and joy. So this episode of The Glen Alex Show is on managing holiday stress!

As a clinical Social Worker I work with adults who experience anxiety & depression in multiple areas of their lives–home, relationships, work, school, etc. Much of the stress and pressure and disappointment that cause discontent is due to poor boundaries. The unwillingness to say “no” when appropriate, overcommitting, unspoken or unrealistic expectations, telling all about self or someone else create enough difficulty normally.

Much of the stress and pressure and disappointment that cause discontent is due to poor boundaries.

And those boundary issues get amplified during this time, during the holidays because there is a lot of external pressure to live and be and do and spend a certain way in order to measure up some false sense of happiness.

Have you ever had high hopes for the holidays and found yourself seriously disappointed, in over your head financially, or emotionally drained afterward? Me too! It’s far too common for holiday stress to overwhelm and ruin the experience of spending time with loved ones, throwing you out of balance.

Because I want you to be joyful, connected, confident, and complete, I have 5 tips for you to live in balance during the holidays. If you want more information about interpersonal boundaries specifically, then check out the Nov 3rd episode of The Glen Alex Show on glenalex.com. 

5 Tips

TIP #1: CLARITY

During work on boundaries with a client, she asked me, “How do I communicate my boundaries?” Because boundaries are flexible and contextual, not the walls as so many think, to answer her question I needed to know, “What do you want to communicate?”

A puzzled look crossed her face as she considered what her boundaries are. You see, the ‘what’ comes before the ‘how’. Not vice versa. My client needed clarity. You need to be clear about your boundaries before you can communicate them. Otherwise, you communicate uncertainty, opening the door to someone else’s interpretation of your needs.

As a reminder…boundaries are your line in the sand, the line where what you will and will not tolerate meet. So clarifying your boundaries that are specific to the holidays involves asking yourself:

What’s my budget? Who will I buy for? Will I host? How many guests? Who are the guests?

Keep in mind that your holiday boundaries can be ranges. For example, you may set your budget at $1000-1200 or 15-20 guests. You don’t have to be exact and can allow for some flexibility. Yet, the more clear you are about your boundaries, what you will and will not tolerate, and incorporate that into your planning then the smoother things will flow for you and your loved ones.

And the more clarity you have about your line in the sand, then you minimize overcommitting, unspoken and unrealistic expectations that can lead to feelings of guilt, failure, self-loathing, depression, anxiety.

SO BE CLEAR.

TIP #2: COMMUNICATION

Once clear about your boundaries, then you can communicate them to your loved ones.

“We’re on a tight budget this year, so you may not get a gift.”
“Our home is small so we’re limiting guests to 20.”

Not speaking up negatively impacts relationships. Unspoken and unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment, anger, and self-pity–wondering why no one cares what you want.

Unspoken and unrealistic expectations are setups for failure. If you secretly wish or hope for others to read your mind and to automatically provide what you want, then they will likely fail. This speaks to the mental boundary, which is about agreements and expectations. If you don’t have an actual agreement, yes let’s cap spending at $2000 (for example), then everything else is an unspoken or unrealistic expectation.

So speak your truth and give others the realistic opportunity to assist in your health and happiness. You won’t always get your way even when you speak up, yet opening the lines of communication is usually beneficial for relationships.

TIP #3: SELF-CARE

Taking care of yourself is required for living in balance during regular times. Self-care is so much more needed when there’s an extra demand and extra stress like during the holidays. While it’s easy to sacrifice and put your needs aside at this time, doing so can have negative consequences that last beyond the holidays. Here are 4 simple ways to elevate your self-care:

Sleep/Rest
Although you may stay up later cooking, shopping or socializing, sleep and rest lay the foundation for balance. Sleep deprivation diminishes focus, memory, digestion, emotional stability, and more. So consider taking power naps to refresh.

Nutrients
Fuel and nourish your body with proper nutrients. Counter the excess consumption of pastries, candy, alcoholic and sugary drinks with good nutrients. Some even suggest taking extra vitamins during stressful times. And you already know which foods energize and nourish you.

Massage
Make time for a therapeutic massage! There are so many studies showing that massage benefits every area of health–physical tension, enhanced relaxation, improved sleep/rest, digestion, blood pressure, and so many more benefit. Massage doesn’t take a lot of time; you can book a 30 minute table or chair massage to reap the benefits.

Support
Healthy and loving connections are very important in well-being. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or just need to vent, then reach out to that one person who supports what’s best for you, the person who really listens to you and who gives you honest feedback.

Self-care will definitely help you live in balance during this season.

TIP #4: GRATITUDE

Gratitude enhances health. Period. Gratitude deepens your connection to life and aligns you with your wholeness. Take a moment during the holidays to recognize, acknowledge, and be thankful for all the goodness and blessings in your life. You see, it’s really difficult if not impossible to be in a state of gratitude and be stressed or anxious or depressed.

TIP #5: GIVE

Helping those less fortunate than you is a great way to regain perspective. Because even though things don’t always go your way, giving to others is connective. And healthy connection to others is healing and nurturing. You can donate money, time, goods, or resources to a charity or someone that resonates with you.

Giving to others taps into human connectedness and restores balance.

Living in balance during the holidays is possible. All that is required is for you to be clear about your boundaries, communicate your boundaries, elevate your self-care, be in gratitude, and give to others.
Follow these tips and you set yourself up to have the most joyful and loving holiday season ever.

Glen Alex, The Glen Alex Show, Living In Total Health, holiday stress, 5 tips for living in balance during the holidays, mental health, anxiety, depression