glen alex, mental health, mental wellness, gut health, serotonin, living in total health, the glen alex show, las vegas, nevada

What Are You Manifesting?

I want more for you. More love, more health, more wellth. My mission is for you to be joyful, connected, confident, and complete, the life experience I call wellth, which is health plus other riches. That’s why I do what I do, to bring more love and light to you.

I can’t get more for you, however. No one can. Even though I can guide and support you that is a superpower unattainable. So in order for you to become more and achieve what you desire, you are required to consciously engage in the manifestation process. Such conscious engagement is far more than wishful thinking, passive hope to get what you want.

Here’s the kicker – you already participate in the manifestation process subconsciously, on autopilot…

 

Manifestation and the Law of Attraction

Manifestation is your proactive application of the Law of Attraction, one of 12 Universal Laws that govern our lives. According to Wikipedia, the Law of Attraction brings to each person the conditions and experiences that they predominantly think about, or which they desire or expect. Simply put, the Law of Attraction is like attracts like. The universe returns to you whatever you think about the most.

For example, if most of your mental energy is focused on how people mistreat you then you will attract people who mistreat you. Stated another way, if you constantly beat yourself up for being less than perfect, rich, smart, etc., then people in your life will tend to demean and disrespect you.

Such negative manifestation of your predominant thoughts and focus of your mental energy isn’t about punishing you nor is it about you being unlovable or unworthy. The Law of Attraction operates without judgement. It does not care if you are a doctor, parent, janitor, teacher, salesperson, server, billionaire, etc. The Law of Attraction is the same for all humans and manifests what you focus on the most.

“Where your attention goes your energy flows.”
–James Redfield, Celestine Prophecy

And your energy flow is like a boomerang, what you send out comes back to you. Ever wonder why you continue to have the same types of experiences, meet the same types of people? Here’s the kicker – you already participate in the manifestation process subconsciously, on autopilot, which tends to be negative and about what you don’t have.

“We tend to think the same negative and unconstructive things
over and over again
…80 percent of our thoughts are negative.”
–Glen Alex, Living in Total Health, Thinking Well Chapter

Reminder… the Law of Attraction gives you more of what you think about most often. Repetitive negative thoughts = repetitive negative experiences.

Glen Alex, Living in Total Health, rejoice, mental energy, manifestation, law of attraction

So why not participate consciously in the manifestation process to actualize what you desire?

 

 

How to Manifest Your Desires

As with total health, there is no one-size-fits-all. No one formula that works for every person. You are a unique and dynamic creature, so what works for others may not work for you. There are some common steps you can take, however. Start with the blueprint below and adjust as needed until you discover your personal strategy that produces the outcomes you want.

1.

Identify What You Want

Be clear and specific. It is crucial that you frame your desire in the affirmative as if it already exists. Do not focus on what you don’t want; focus only what you do want. This is the attention part of manifestation.

Helpful tools to focus your attention
• Vision boards are visual representations of what you desire.
• Affirmations are your written desires framed as if they already exist.

2.

Take Action

Your desire will not just drop out of the sky, no matter how much you want it. You must take intentional action toward your goal. Too many people want a job or relationship, for example. Yet they don’t apply for work or they don’t put themselves in social situations to meet new people. Take steps toward your desire.

3.

Be Patient

Your desire may not materialize in a day, not even if you focus properly and take action. Be patient as the universe processes and unfolds on your behalf.

4.

Be Grateful

Being in gratitude is the experience of wholeness, the alignment of your body, mind, and spirit. We are innately whole and gratitude reconnections us to that. Being in gratitude also includes the experience of being deeply connected to life and the unwavering awareness that you are not alone and are supported at all times. Genuine gratitude for what you have beckons the universe to send you more.
• Keep a Gratitude Journal or express gratitude in your meditation.

5.

Limiting Beliefs

Your desires must align with your beliefs about self. If your desire conflicts with your negative self-worth, then your thoughts and actions will only support your beliefs. And the universe will comply to give you more of the same.

I also recommend you take up or level up your meditation practice. Because most humans think on autopilot, we have the same negative thoughts day in and day out. Meditation will make you aware of your steam of consciousness and teach you how to control your thinking and what you focus on. Neo Positivity, Voice of the Thoughts Become Things Movement, shared on The Glen Alex Show that he started meditating when he first learned about the Law of Attraction to be able to manage his thoughts and control his focus.

 

 

You are a co-creator in your life. Your conscious participation in the manifestation process and application of the Law of Attraction will garner the actualization of your desires. Please note that you already participate in the process with your habitual, negative, and repetitive thoughts. The Law of Attraction returns them to you, what you don’t want. I want more love, health, and wellth for you so be conscious and proactive in the process to manifest what you do want.

 

To learn more about the Law of Attraction, check out this month’s episode The Glen Alex Show featuring Neo Positivity, Voice of the Thoughts Become Things Movement on on YouTube, iHeartRadio, and wherever you get your podcasts.

 

Glen Alex, health blog, Living in Total Health, The Glen Alex Show, gut health, mental health, Las Vegas, NV

How Gut Health Enhances Mental Health

“Follow the science” is the pandemic-borne mantra designed to communicate one school of thought re: the virus. While one train of thought is rare in any community because there is diversity within all human groups, that statement oh so meaningful when it comes to your gut. Following the science of gut health can enhance your mental health.

Science has made remarkable discoveries about the gut. Recent scientific research shows that there is an intimate connection between gut health and mental health. Although this area of research is in its infancy, the results thus far are promising in identifying key components of this intricate and powerful relationship. This is a massive breakthrough for the mind-body connection.

This is a massive breakthrough for the mind-body connection.

What makes the Gut so Important?

Exactly why is this part of the gastrointestinal tract so important to physical and mental health? Let’s start with the gut being referred to as the “second brain”. Below are specifics about the gut’s impact on the mind and body.

1. According to UCLA Professor Emeritus of medicine, David Heber, MD, PhD, 70% of the immune system is in the gut. Others say 80%.

2. The gut contains more than 100 trillion microbes that produce vitamins, extract nutrients from food, and block bad bacteria from doing harm.


3. The gut is the only organ that has its own independent nervous system.

4. The gut communicates bi-directionally with the brain—the gut speaks to the brain and the brain speaks to the gut.


5. The gut produces 95% of serotonin in the body.

Number 5

Let’s focus on number five. The gathering of immune cells, the production of nutrients, blocking bad bacteria, the independent nervous system, and direct communication with the brain are crucial to overall physical health. And when the body feels good, the minds tends to as well. Yet for me, the production and presence of serotonin, is the most bearing on mental health.

Serotonin has many important roles in the body. It helps with bowel movements, sleep, healing wounds, bone health, and other bodily functions. This neurotransmitter also helps control and regulate depression and anxiety.

Mental Health Boosted by Serotonin

Contrary to popular representations of mental illness which tend to focus on the most severe disorders, anxiety and depression are the two most common mental health issues among American adults. Those suffering from anxiety and depression tend to have low levels of serotonin. In fact, common antidepressant medications specifically target serotonin levels.

So it’s not by chance that serotonin is also referred to as a mood stabilizer.

“Research…supports the idea that serotonin plays a role, not only in the treatment of depression but also in susceptibility to depression and suicide.”
–Simon N Young, PhD, Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry McGill University

The fact that 95% of serotonin is produced in the gut is huge because it points to the importance of gut health in mental health. People with normal levels of serotonin tend to be happier, calmer, more focused, less anxious, and more emotionally stable, according to public health journalist Annamarya Scaccia.

glen alex, mental health, mental wellness, gut health, serotonin, living in total health, the glen alex show, las vegas, nevada

The fact that 95% of serotonin is produced in the gut is huge because it points to the importance of gut health in mental health. People with normal levels of serotonin tend to be happier, calmer, more focused, less anxious, and more emotionally stable, according to public health journalist Annamarya Scaccia.

How to Boost Serotonin Levels Naturally

Here are a few simple ways for you to increase your serotonin levels without medication. Please consult your primary health care provider or dietician to develop a plan to meet your specific health needs.

1. Sunlight and Vitamin D: sunlight increases serotonin and vitamin d, both antidepressants.

2. Exercise: Living in Total Health redefines exercise as activity because of the stigma associated with the word exercise. Regular physical activity releases serotonin.


3. Nutrition: Certain foods contain the amino acid Tryptophan which makes serotonin. Salmon, eggs, and nuts are a few.


4. Meditation and mindfulness can promote the release of serotonin.

Gut Health = Mental Health

The health of your gut is crucial to overall health and particularly to mental health. Following the science of serotonin research leads to the understanding that a healthy gut improves physical and mental health. This understanding can easily lead to choices and behaviors that enhance the health of your health.

To learn more about gut health, check out The Glen Alex Show: Gut Health with Amanda Wikan on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.

Glen Alex, Author of Living in Total Health, Wellth Counselor, Clinical Social Worker, Health Blog, Las Vegas, NV

Think Transformation, not Resolutions

Oh boy! It’s that time again when so many people make resolutions, usually to go on a diet or to start working out. While resolutions may be good intentions to enhance your life, most are abandoned by the end of January. In fact, research by fitness app Strava found that most people give up on their resolutions by January 19th, which they call “Quitters Day”. Talk about being short-lived.

Well, if you want more of the same then keep making these empty promises to yourself. If you want a more fulfilling life, then think transformation not resolutions.

Fitness app Strava named January 19th “Quitters Day”.

What is Transformation?

Transformation is a fundamental change or shift, a metamorphosis if you will. Real, effective, and lasting change requires more than 19 days and goes deeper than superficial desires. While losing weight, working out, and saving money are great ways to enhance your life experience, they only scratch the surface. Thus, if you don’t go further than the outside then you are more likely to give up.

“Transformation literally means going beyond your form.”
–Wayne Dyer

If you really want to slim down, be more active, be healthier, improve finances or have healthier relationships, then you must transform the beliefs that create and maintain the conditions you’re unhappy with. Resolutions just don’t cut it; they don’t go deep enough.

New Years Resolutions, Pixabay

How a Client Transformed Her Beliefs About Food

I had a client who wanted bariatric surgery because her many resolutions to diet and lose weight failed. She was required by the surgeon to get a psychological assessment to address her issues with food before the procedure.

Our sessions revealed that her relationship with food was the root of her overeating. My client’s belief that food was the only source of love and connection with her family and friends led her to eat large portions, eat when she was full, and eat junk food.

Only when my client acknowledged and examined her underlying belief was she able to transform it and know that food was not her only source of love. Post-op, she controlled her portions, said “no” to the wrong foods, and stopped eating when full. My client opened to new ways of experiencing genuine love and kept the weight off because she transformed her beliefs about food.

Transform to Live Better

Transformation is an internal realignment of your beliefs and values. Inherent in this realignment is a steadfastness that does not require drummed up motivation nor external pressure. And transformation involves genuine commitment that endures setbacks and plateaus. You will flow with the change process rather than resist it. And when you change your beliefs, your thoughts and behaviors adapt accordingly.

My intent with this blog is to point your attention toward transformation and away from resolutions. Those false promises are superficial, fleeting, and set you up for failure. Please sit with that for a moment.

 

Resolutions do not work. If you really want better health, finances, and relationships, then you must acknowledge and accept that transformation is the way to better health, more joy, meaningful relationships, and an abundance of goodness. This the first step in the transformation process. That is where I want this blog to take you. And I encourage you to work with a health and wellness professional on the next steps. A life or health coach, psychotherapist, or other health expert who addresses your wholeness can guide you to success.

Be like my client and think transformation, not resolutions.

Glen Alex, Living In Total Health, Las Vegas, health blog, live fully

Are You Living Fully Before You Expire?

During my Aunt Iris’ funeral 3 months ago, the minister talked about the expiration date that God has for each of us even though we don’t consciously know what it is. By the way, the term used in healthcare when a patient dies is “expired”. Yet unlike food, we human beings do not come with a date stamped on us to know when our time is up.

The Human Expiration Date

The minister was clear that no matter what we experience, no matter what we accomplish, and no matter how much money we have, we will die. Sounds gloomy, I know. It is, however, a truth that we’re all aware of because death is a fact of life, even unforeseen death.

The professional football world was rocked when Demaryius Thomas died suddenly earlier this month, possibly from a seizure while showering. He was only 33 years old.

Demaryius was a Super Bowl champ, had fame, had wealth, and was well-liked. And I’m sure no one imagined that he would die so young. His passing is very sad, tragic in some ways. Still, from media accounts it seems that his short life was well lived.

It is because we don’t know our expiration date that the minister implored everyone to live fully while alive. I could not agree more. Even though I don’t know what my expiration date is, knowing my time will come motivates me to fill my life with genuine love, joy, and connection, and to live my purpose.

Live Fully Before You Expire

Living fully is about Living in Total Health, which is not the absence of disease. It is about maximizing your experience of love, joy, and connectedness irrespective of challenges and circumstances. It is about actively pursuing your highest level of wellness possible physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Living in Total Health is achieved when you engage in activities and practices that enhance your well-being.

I plan to live to a ripe old age in the 90s fulfilling my purpose to love and serve others. Hopefully, my expiration date will not arrive ahead of my schedule. If it does, then I know that I have lived consciously and intentionally, and in pursuit of health on every level. I express love, experience joy, and open to genuine connection with Self and others as much as I can while leaning in to my innate truth and divine purpose.

Glen Alex, Living in Total Health, The Glen Alex Show, Indie Book Award Winner, live fully, las vegas

Tips on How to Live Fully

Here are a few tips on how you can live fully on the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual levels. Each level is detailed in my Indie Award winning book Living in Total Health.

Physically

  • Be active: engage in physical activities you enjoy like hiking, walking, yoga, tennis, etc.

Movement improves my circulation, relaxation, and metabolism,
and relieves my stress.

  • Medical exams: know what’s happening inside your body; early detection is crucial to healing many diseases–symptoms often indicate that a disease has already progressed too far.

My annual physicals and labs tell me what’s happening outside of my awareness. Knowing gives me the power of choice.

  • Mind your mouth: what you consume, when, and how may have a bigger impact on your health than exercise.

Medical exams revealed my dietary issues and food allergies. So I am
mindful of what I consume and consult Nutritionists for guidance.

Mentally

  • Develop and maintain healthy boundaries to protect the integrity of your person

My boundaries are active and clear, to the dismay of some. Boundaries impact
every area of life and I prioritize self-respect and inner peace.

  • Learn and utilize coping tools to effectively manage stress

My stress management strategy includes meditation, emotional intelligence,
physical activity, and a support system of loving people.

Emotionally

  • Learn how to emote with intelligence

I partner my emotions with my intellect to make the best choices available to me. Individually, emotions and intelligence are limiting. Together, they empower me.

  • Be present to understand and to effectively manage your emotions in real time

As much as possible, I live in the present moment. Even when life is
challenging or painful, staying present helps me cope better.

Spiritually

  • Connect with your Truth: this is not what you were taught; it is who you are at your core

As a child, I believed that my purpose was more than my circumstances
and am living it.

  • Interact only with people and groups that enhance your life experience and bring you joy

I’m intentional about surrounding myself with people who support my best
and who reflect the best of humanity.

  • Live your beliefs: any discord between your beliefs/values and what you do will create an internal war, often leading to anxiety or depression or harming others or substance abuse

I struggle the most when I betray my Truth.

In addition to Living in Total Health providing more insights about living fully, the current episode of The Glen Alex Show includes clips from experts on achieving optimal health physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Click to tune in.

 

 

We all have an expiration date. Although we don’t know when it is, we do have time to live fully and become our best selves. Knowing that I will expire inspires me to do and be my best now, in real time. And I encourage you to do so as the minister presiding over my Aunt’s funeral did. You can start with the tips for Living in Total Health above to live fully, before your expiration date arrives.

Glen Alex, Gratitude, The Glen Alex Show, Las Vegas, NV, health blog, living in total health

3 Steps to Be In Gratitude

Gratitude: Short and Sweet

This blog will be short and sweet. Gratitude enhances your health. You’ve heard this a cabillion times. Information about the specific positive effects of being grateful is everywhere—online, on TV, on the radio, on public signs. You’d have to actively ignore the plethora of calls to be grateful to not know they exist. So I won’t regurgitate what’s already out there.

It's Personal

I will, however, make it personal. When I am in gratitude, I experience deep connection to life and the awareness that I am always supported and never alone. I say “in gratitude” because it is a state of being, an experience of wholeness. It’s a similar experience to being “in love” and my body, mind, and spirit are aligned.

My life is complete in gratitude. Actually, the truth of the matter is that I am, and you are, complete all the time. It’s just that ego is very good at convincing us that we come from lack. Wholeness is my, our nature. Being grateful returns me to that truth.

Glen Alex, Gratitude, Las Vegas, NV, The Glen Alex Show

Ways to be grateful

In my November 2020 blog, Gratitude is Key to Health, I offer 3 ways to be grateful. My Gratitude Gaze, the Gratitude Journal, and the Reframe Game are some methods I use and share with clients to be in gratitude. And I have another gratitude practice for you.

I am a busy girl. Once my day gets going, it goes. Inserting rituals and practices between clients, meetings, exercise, writing, and speaking is extremely challenging. So meditating works best for me beforehand. What also works is including Gratitude Time in my meditation practice. Every morning before I rise to dress, Gratitude Time leads me into meditation to start my day grateful, centered, and intentional. Here’s how my Gratitude Time works.

Gratitude Time

1. Breath of Fire
I get into a comfortable position and engage in Breath of Fire, a type of yoga breathing that involves inhaling passively and exhaling forcefully without pausing. This relaxes my mind and body, centering me. YouTube has many video examples of how to properly perform Breath of Fire.

2. Being Grateful
First, I thank God for another day of life. Next, I think of 3 things I am grateful for, spending a few moments on each to experience heartfelt thankfulness and to be in gratitude. My health, people who truly love and support me, my home, a good night’s sleep, and helping others are just a few of the many things that make me grateful.

3. Meditate
Being in gratitude deepens my meditations. Entering meditation connected to my wholeness broadens my awareness, enhances my inner peace, and opens me up to more experiences for which to be grateful.

Being in gratitude reconnects me to my wholeness, my innate completeness, and aligns my body, mind, and spirit. Health naturally follows. Specifically, I am more aware, I experience more inner peace, and I’m open to more experiences that generate gratitude—a recipe for a strong immune system, mental wellness, emotional stability, and spiritual connection. Tapping in to my wholeness with gratitude equals health. So shortly and sweetly, gratitude enhances health.

Be in gratitude!

Do you need help connecting with your gratitude and wholeness?

Living In Total Health is a great place to start! This total wellness guide covers all factors influence, providing insights and information that you can apply immediately.
–Living In Total Health is available in hardcover and ebook. Click to order your copy.

Contact Glen to schedule your complimentary consultation to identify and address your barriers to being

Joyful. Connected. Confident. Complete.

Glen Alex Emotional Eating Las Vegas Nevada Living In Total Health EAT

Do You Reach for Comfort Foods When Distressed? Learn How to Stop Emotional Eating with EAT

About Emotional Eating

It is so easy to reach for candy or alcohol to feel better, whatever better is. Perhaps your work load is overwhelming so you have an extra glass of wine to take the edge off. Maybe your spouse isn’t paying enough positive attention to you and chocolate helps you ignore your loneliness for a while. Or you struggle to make ends meet, “…you have more month than money” as Jim Rohn said, and you eat extra helpings at dinner to calm your anxiety.

Emotional eating is not about satisfying physical hunger.
It is all about distracting self from emotional distress.

These are examples of emotional eating, using food and drink to comfort unpleasant emotions and stress, meaning that you consume food and drink solely to make you feel better and take your mind off of what is troubling to you. Emotional eating is not about satisfying physical hunger. It’s all about distracting self from emotional distress. Thus, emotional eating is also called stress eating.

 

Negative Effects of Emotional Eating

As emotional eating provides the short term distraction that you believe equals relief, it also creates many negative effects in the long term. Weight gain, cumulative stress, and unresolved emotional issues are just a few negatives resulting from comfort food and drink. To be clear, emotional eating is not about physical hunger. It is about masking or avoiding your negative and unpleasant emotional experiences.

And it’s about masking mine too. With all of my knowledge and experience in psychotherapy, I too have given in to dulling my emotional pain with food and/or drink. Allow me to share two examples from my life.

 

My Personal Struggles with Emotional Eating

Glen Alex working through grief and depression. las vegas, nv

In 2013, my brother Kenny succumbed to Prostate Cancer. He transitioned in my arms. Kenny’s death at such a young age hit me like an eye-less hurricane–there was no calm in that storm. The grief eventually gave way to the deepest depression I have ever experienced. And I drowned myself in food and booze for months. I just wanted to stop feeling the agonizing sorrow that greeted me every morning and put me to sleep every night. Needless to say that I gained weight and triggered negative processes in my body, revealed by labs and scans.

This picture was taken during my depression and all I see is my sadness.

More recently, my maternal aunt transitioned. I couldn’t attend the funeral that was held in another state. I was able, however, to watch her live-streamed funeral service. It was lovely; yet I was distraught. The depth of sadness I experienced while watching surprised me. Not being there to support my uncle and cousins was difficult. Wondering how lonely it must be, I empathized with another aunt who is the last living sibling of my mother. I broke down seeing my siblings who I haven’t seen in nearly two years because of the pandemic. And I lost it when my mother’s name was said during the reading of my aunt’s obituary. The sadness lingered long after I stopped sobbing. So I ate extra helpings of my otherwise healthy meal to take my mind off of my losses. The excess food bogged down and aggravated my digestive conditions.

 

Loss and Comfort Foods

My emotional eating seems to center around significant losses. I’m very resilient when it comes to everyday-type losses and normal life stress. The existential nature of death and big life shifts intensify my emotional experiences. I had to learn this about myself. And adjust. I was able to transform my overindulgence in comfort food and drink over an extended period after Kenny died to just one meal after my aunt’s funeral.

And I allowed myself to experience my sadness. Allowing it to be allowed it to release. Masking and avoiding pain only serve to strengthen it, make it last longer than necessary. Don’t get me wrong, sitting in sadness was not at all comfortable. However, accepting it as a normal human response to loss not only made it bearable, acceptance evoked confidence that I could handle my pain and would be okay.

Allowing it to be allowed it to release.

EAT

While intense sadness elicits my emotional eating, yours may have a different trigger— arguments with your significant other, trouble on your job, a stressful day, traffic. Whatever causes you to consume comfort food, you can strengthen your coping skills and improve how you manage negative and unpleasant emotional experiences.

Here’s how I did with EAT.

Evaluate

Ask yourself if you are eating to satisfy physical hunger. If the answer is no, then you are eating to mask emotion. Next, ask yourself “What am I avoiding?” It’s okay if you don’t have an answer. Just asking the question plants a reflective seed in your mind that may be enough to stop you from emotional eating in that moment and set you up to be more mindful about it in the future, and thereby limit, reduce, or eliminate emotional eating.

Act

Move your body. Physical movement is a great way to process and manage emotion. According to Tony Robbins, the secret to changing your state of mind (and emotions) is moving your body. Something as simple as jumping up and down a few times, walking around your space, or giving yourself a hug could reset your state of mind and shift your emotions. Action can also reduce or eliminate your need to satisfy your emotional hunger and be the catalyst for your intuition to give you pertinent information that will help you cope better and grow.

 

Transform

Convert your emotional hunger into empowerment. Emotional eating comes from a position of weakness, a lack of understanding of how powerful and capable you really are. You see, each of us are born with gifts, talents, and intuition. We already know how to navigate through life to get our needs met most appropriately and how to live full and joyful lives. This is strength. Somewhere along the way, unfortunately, we are led away from who we truly are and fall into unhealthy patterns such as this. Evaluating your emotional eating, moving your body, connecting with someone who supports your best, and being open to your intuition will naturally allow your emotions to be so they can release, transforming your emotional hunger and restoring your innate strength, empowering you to cope in healthy ways.

 

Manage Emotional Distress to Live More Fully, Joyfully

The purpose of consuming comfort food and drink during emotional upset is to avoid or mask the pain. Though it seems like a quick fix because it distracts you for a brief period, emotional eating does more harm than good. It causes health problems like unwanted weight gain. Also, the  unresolved distress and the stress required to suppress emotions do take their toll on how well your body and mind function, diminishing your experience of life. Employ my EAT strategy to better manage your emotional upsets so you may live more fully and more joyfully.

 

 

Do you need help coping with emotional distress? 

Living In Total Health is a great place to start! This total wellness guide covers all factors influence, providing insights and information that you can apply immediately. 
–Living In Total Health is available in hardcover and ebook. Click to order your copy.

Contact Glen to schedule your complimentary consultation
to identify and address your barriers to being 

Joyful. Connected. Confident. Complete.
Glen Alex, Living In Total Health, 2021 Indie Book Award Winner

#1 Rule for Healthy Relationships

My mantra in undergraduate school amongst girlfriends was “If a man doesn’t enhance your life experience, then you don’t need him.” I declared this whenever they whined about not having, not finding, or not knowing where to look for Mr. Right. Their focus was as if they were from a different time when women attended college only to find a husband. In line with their pursuits of love, some of my friends accepted dates from men they hoped would be him.

Well, needless to say it didn’t work out that way. My friends’ self-imposed pressure to marry or that which they internalized from someone else, perhaps a parent, led my friends to hang out with guys who were languishing in life, demanding, unattractive, disconnected from facts, or abusive. To be fair, the reverse is also true. I’ve had male friends who desperately dated women that weren’t a good fit for them either.

“Relationships are either healthy or unhealthy…either they nurture
personal growth and wellness
or retard them“.

— Glen Alex in Living In Total Health, Relating Well Chapter

 

Rule #1

I generally don’t ascribe one thing as the bottom line when it comes to human nature. We humans are so dynamic that often times several variables simultaneously influence our choices, reactions, moods, feelings, thoughts, stress, and overall health. This is very true about human relationships. In addition to the above influences, money, sexuality, and fitness play a part too in who you choose to have a relationship with.

Relationships can be narrowed down to
the
one tell-tale sign of healthiness.

Romantic relationships are just one type. You also have relationships with family, friends, coworkers, businesses, plus others. So the variables that influence your choice of a mate are very similar to those that lead you to a friendship, for example. The #1 rule applies to all. Given that many factors sway us at the same time, can healthy relationships be narrowed down to one rule?

Yes. Relationships can be narrowed down to the one tell-tale sign of healthiness. Relationships that provide you with loving support, encouragement, honesty, a safety net, and a genuine interest in your best self do enhance your health. The pain and stress of toxic relations harm you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So it is crucial that the people you give a front row seat in your life deserve it. Here is the one litmus test to inform you if they do deserve your time and attention.

When you interact with this person, do his or her words match their actions? Does he or she do what they say they will?

 

Mental Boundaries

Mental boundaries are about agreements and expectations. Two or more people agree on how something will go—a project, party, vacation, purchase, etc. The agreement informs each person what to expect in the process. When one person unilaterally changes things, then that violates the agreement, the mental boundary.

In a healthy relationship, there is agreement about how it will go. Sticking to the agreement reflects the underlying understanding that each person truly cares about the other’s well-being.

Becky and Sheila have been besties for 30 years. As their friendship developed, Becky and Sheila agreed on two things: 1) to not flirt with or pursue each other’s men and 2) to communicate if they need to change plans and not just flake. Reflecting on their relationship, they are proud about the depth of their trust because each kept their agreements. There was never any drama between them and their mates, and neither ever flaked.

Becky and Sheila have a healthy friendship because they kept their agreements, the #1 rule for healthy relationships.

 

When the #1 Rule is Broken

Without healthy mental boundaries, trust is impossible because you never know what to expect from the other; you continually hope they will follow through on what they say this time. You are insecure about your needs getting met because they’ve proven that they are not there for you. Even worse, you change who you naturally are in attempts to change the other person to get what you need. Instead of realizing and accepting that this person does not enhance your life experience.

Vera met Mike at a Labor Day event. She was attracted to him because he was funny, handsome, and gainfully employed. One night three months into dating, Vera felt hurt  again when Mike cancelled their date because his brother needed a ride to the airport. She realized that they only had 6 dates. At least as many times Mike didn’t show up or had something come up to make him cancel last minute. He always had good reasons and apologized. So Vera kept giving Mike chance after chance until she could figure out how to make him show up.

Everyone needs a second chance because things happen. However, when they continually flake, fail to follow through, or blow you off, then they are not interested in the same things as you. Holding on to the unrealistic expectation that they will do what they say they will do is false hope. Let me add here that a broken agreement, i.e., mental boundary violation, is a betrayal. And the small betrayals, such as slights and digs, often lead to bigger ones like abuse and infidelity.

People reveal themselves in their actions. The realistic expectation is their behavior. Expect them to do as they do. When you accept that is who they are, you still stop making excuses for them, stop trying to change them, and limit their opportunities to betray you. Only then you can move on and open up to people who respect you and your agreements.

 

The #1 rule for healthy relationships is measured by the mental boundary. Does s/he keep their agreements? No = unhealthy. When someone’s words and actions are incongruent, always trust the behavior. It is their truth. Yes = health. My girlfriends could have saved themselves a lot of time and heartache had they applied the #1 rule for healthy relationships to the men they encountered. Actually, this is also true of anyone in pursuit of love and connection.

You see, people who keep their agreements are trustworthy and enhance your experience of life. Respecting mental boundaries, keeping agreements, is the #1 rule for healthy relationships.

 

Do you need help discerning healthy vs unhealthy relationships?

Start with Living In Total Health, your total wellness guide.  Living In Total Health is the 2021 Indie Book Award Winner for Health & Wellness and Finalist in the Mind, Body, Spirit category.

Available in hardcover and ebook.

Schedule a complimentary consultation with Glen to identify your barriers to healthy relations.

Living In Total Health, 2021 Indie Book Award Winner for Health & Wellness, Glen Alex, Las Vegas, NV
Glen Alex, Young Living, Essential Oils, Blog, Living In Total Health

Top 3 Essential Oil Products That Enhance My Health

Glen Alex, Young Living, Essential Oils, Blog, Living In Total Health

I love supplements. In fact, I need them. Given my digestive issues and food allergies, there is no way I can get all the nutrients I need from food, not even if fruits and vegetables retained all of their nutritional greatness from healthy soil and throughout harvesting and transportation. And for all the raw food lovers, fruits and veggies aggravate my digestive system causing more harm than good. As a matter of fact, most of my food allergies are fruits and vegetables and my GI doctor advised against raw foods and roughage. So I rely on supplements to provide the nourishment my body needs.

Supplementing with Essential Oils

Supplementing with essential oils has the additional benefit of enhancing my wellness on many levels. Essential oils, as I’m sure you already know, are the scent and flavor of the plants from which they are extracted. And each oil packs a powerful health punch. Relaxation, improved digestion, and antioxidants to fight illness and inflammation are just a few of the numerous health benefits of essential oils. Yet, all essential oils are not created equal.

After trying different essential oil products on for size, I resonated with Young Living to supplement my health needs. Let me say here that I encourage you to pave your own path to health because one-size-does-not-fit all. What works for one most certainly does not work for everybody. For example, I know many people who thrive on raw, vegetarian, and vegan diets. Unfortunately, these nutrition plans tax and drain my system. So as you consider using essential oils to enhance your specific wellness needs, I want to share my top 3 Young Living essential oil products that I’ve used for a few years with you.

Glen Alex, Young Living Essential Oils Lemon Vitality Ginger Vitality Living In Total Health

Supplementing with essential oils has the additional benefit of enhancing my wellness on many levels.

Thieves® Laundry Soap
I began using this product after searching for a laundry detergent for my massage linens. As a Massage Therapist, I was very aware of cleanliness and client comfort and wanted a toxin-free detergent. I tried several brands before Thieves® Laundry Soap that did not work well to clean and that were full of petrochemicals and/or dyes. This detergent does not contain these chemicals nor SLS, formaldehyde, phosphates, synthetic perfumes, chlorine, optical brighteners. Without them, Thieves® Laundry Soap cleaned my linens superbly, even removing stains from massage cream without me having to take an extra stain-removal step. And it lasts. Thieves® Laundry Soap worked so well for my massage linens that I began using it for my personal laundry.


Thieves® Whitening Toothpaste
This toothpaste is very gentle yet effective. It also tastes and smells good. I credit it for keeping my gums healthy and for my consistent A+ dental reports. Thieves® Whitening Toothpaste includes peppermint, lemon, and eucalyptus oils, along with other beneficial ones. It does not contain fluoride, peroxides, parabens, artificial colors or flavors, preservatives, soy, nor any of the toxins mentioned above. My houseguests love Thieves® Whitening Toothpaste too. So I keep a small tube in the guest bathroom.


Vitality Dietary Oils
My all-time favorite essential oil product. These oils are ingestible. I get the beneficial effects on my digestive system more immediately than when oils are diffused or applied topically. Also, the Vitality Dietary Oils taste really, really good. Sometimes I’ll add Lemon Vitality drops to water. Sometimes Lemon and Ginger Vitality to my water. I rotate Peppermint, Orange, and Thieves (cinnamon blend) Vitality to coffee. Oh, the Oregano and Black Pepper Vitality are great to cook with. And please don’t tell anyone that I add Lemon or Lime Vitality to diet coke. I look forward to trying more flavors and concoctions to aid my digestion and immune system. Also, the Vitality Dietary Oils travel well.

All essential oils are not created equal.

I enjoy many Young Living essential oil products to enhance my overall health and wellness. The Thieves® Laundry Soap, Thieves® Whitening Toothpaste, and Vitality Dietary Oils are my top 3. My laundry, dental health, and digestive system have improved since I began using this line of products a few years ago. It’s clear to me that the Young Living essential oil products are good for my health.

My book Living In Total Health is very direct about paving your own path to health because one-size-does-not-fit all. In fact, that’s why Living In Total Health won the 2021 Indie Book Award for Health & Wellness and was a Finalist in Mind, Body, Spirit. Living In Total Health also integrates all aspects of health, not just shape and size or diet and exercise.

Young Living products do the same. They provide health benefits for your mind, body, and spirit. My health is enriched on many levels from using these essential oil products.

For more information on Young Living products, click here.

Glen Alex, Living In Total Health, 2021 Indie Book Award Winner

5 Pillars of Total Health

What comes to mind when you think of the word health? If you’re like most people, that word immediately conjures up sweating in a gym and eating salads. Unfortunately, health is far too often defined by diet and exercise with the results limited by those two measures. Health, by the way, is so much more than shape and size. Total health is about the whole person.

Glen Alex, Living In Total Health, 2021 Indie Book Award Winner

We are physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual beings. Each aspect matters. Although it’s helpful to separate these pillars to focus on specific health issues, dismissing either is problematic because doing so denies our wholeness. Total health integrates all of who we are. Only then we can function at the highest level, laugh from the depths of our bellies, love from the bottoms of our hearts, and connect soul to soul.

…embrace your whole self to achieve total health so you can function, laugh, love, and connect fully.


THE PILLARS OF TOTAL HEALTH

The pillars of total health are not necessarily sequential. Because they are interdependent, health in any one pillar will positively impact health in the others. Therefore, they can be worked on in whatever order you decide is best for you.

Pillar 1: Physical Health

The physical aspect of total health is the most grounding. How each of us physically relates to the earth, the elements, and biology is crucial to overall health. Although what you eat and how active you are do significantly impact physical functioning, other measures are also just as important to physical health. Have you heard of anyone who had a healthy lifestyle suddenly fall ill?

Bob is an active man. He works out, rides his bike, and swims regularly. Bob and his wife also consume the recommended amounts of fruits, vegetables, and water. Then one day, Bob had a heart attack. Fortunately, he is recovering well.

While Bob did a great job with diet and exercise, his internal health went unnoticed. Bob’s cardiac issues could have been detected earlier with regular physical exams and diagnostics. These health tools assess what is going on inside the body. The superficial measures of calories in and calories out cannot.

In addition to getting physicals and diagnostics as indicated, being your own advocate to individualize your medical care is the X-factor in your health. Don’t just settle for whatever your provider says. Ask questions. Gather information. Seek a second opinion if necessary. Disclose specifics about your condition, situation, and experience. Your relationship with the provider is best as a collaboration and your proactive input is required for you to achieve your best health outcomes.

Pillar 2: Mental Health

During the pandemic, mental health received much needed attention. Perhaps now this undeniably crucial aspect of humanity will be addressed properly by policy makers because mental health issues can be caused by medical conditions, medication or other substances, trauma, and significant life events.

In cases where mental health issues are triggered by illness, substances, or trauma, medical intervention can be most effective. I recommend clients see their primary healthcare provider to rule out any physiological cause of their distress and to determine if medication therapy is appropriate to alleviate any debilitating symptoms caused by the mental health issue.

According to the CDC, depression and anxiety are the most common mental health issues that American adults face. Medical conditions aside, these two issues are directly related to paradigm. Your paradigm is the lens through which you view life. This lens is filtered by your mindset and beliefs about how life should be. Depression and anxiety set in when the reality of life and your beliefs differ. With depression, the belief is about what should have or should not have happened in the past. Anxiety poses the belief that the future will be bad.

If your experience of life is diminished by depression or anxiety, help is available. Psychotherapy helps you reframe and redefine your paradigm to be more realistic, to help you navigate life in a way that enhances your health and joy. Effective coping skills are also taught in psychotherapy. Medication coupled with talk therapy has shown significant improvements in these issues. So please, get help.

Pillar 3: Emotional Health

Life can be demanding. Situations can be stressful. Relationships can be challenging. Demands, stress, and challenges all elicit emotional reactions. Such emotions are sometimes powerful and overwhelming, enough to lead to poor choices, harmful outbursts, or overindulgence in food and/or substances.

Emotional health involves being able to manage emotional ups and downs in a way that you are able to maintain equilibrium and learn from the experience that triggered the emotions. Just waiting for the unpleasant ‘feelings’ to pass may seem the easiest thing to do. It will not, however, enhance your emotional health. In fact, ignoring your emotions, allowing them to fester, or acting out impulsively makes things worse because the situation that triggered your reaction remains unresolved and problematic.

Specific skills are required to achieve and maintain emotional health. Emoting with Intelligence is the skillset needed to recognize when you’re in the throes of emotion, contain it, reflect on its meaning, and make conscious choices about how to respond. This skillset enables you to navigate life’s upheavals and maintain emotional health, and is taught in the Emoting with Intelligence chapter of Living In Total Health.

Pillar 4: Spiritual Health

Living In Total Health defines spirituality as your connection to Love. For me, Love is the state from whence all creation comes. So how well you are connected to the Source, to your family and friends, to your community, and to your True Self determines your level of spiritual health.

Connection can manifest as oneness or unity and as intuition, which is an awareness ‘that passeth understanding’. Being at one or unified with another is pretty self-explanatory. Intuition, on the other hand, may not be. It is innate knowing and guidance that you and I are born with. Consider it a gift from the Source of life. Intuition contains all of the information each of us requires to get our needs met in the healthiest way and to experience joy on a regular basis.

Pillar 5: Healthy Boundaries

This pillar will surprise many. Most people only think of boundaries as saying no. They don’t get that healthy boundaries are so much more than that one word. Nor do they get that without healthy boundaries, achieving health in the other 4 pillars is nearly unattainable.

Boundaries are your innate alarm system designed to protect you from harmful forces. Your boundaries are also required for you to properly develop into your own unique self. As such, boundaries are the foundation of health and happiness. Without healthy boundaries, every area of your life can be negatively impacted.

Let’s look at a few ways that boundaries impact the other pillars of health.

Physical
The physical boundary involves what happens to your body.

  • Bodily sensations serve as warning signs when you are in physical danger
  • Inappropriate or unwanted touching can lead to depression, anxiety, self-loathing

Mental
The mental boundary involves agreements and expectations.

  • Unrealistic expectations set others up to fail you, which can cause you to question your self-worth when they let you down and lead to anger and depression
  • Overcommitting entails unrealistic agreements; agreeing to things you can’t realistically accomplish damages your credibility, causes you to avoid others, triggers anxiety and guilt

Emotional Health
The emotional boundary involves proper individuation, being your own person and not taking on the drama/chaos/baggage/issues of another person as if they are yours–not the same empathy.

  • You “lose” yourself to someone else and behave, speak, and react like the other person
  • Friends and family to tell you that you have changed and not for the better

Spiritual Health
The spiritual boundary involves being connected and following your intuition.

  • Ever say to yourself, “I should’ve followed my first mind” or something similar? …indicates that you ignored your intuition, which can lead to problems
  • Loneliness is the absence of meaningful connection to self, family, community, or purpose and is a big factor in depression and suicide

There are many more examples of how unhealthy boundaries affect total health. For more on healthy boundaries please read Living In Total Health, the 2021 Indie Book Award Winner for Health/Wellness and finalist in the Mind, Body, Spirit category. Living In Total Health is available on glenalex.com.

Glen Alex, Living In Total Health, 2021 Indie Book Award Winner

My life’s work is about total health. Of those who know me and my work in health, many still volunteer that they worked out or plan to do something active to assure me they’re on the path to health. This is great. Yet it is not enough. While total health often begins in the physical realm, true health requires the physical to be in concert with the other pillars. Mental, emotional, spiritual, and boundary health matter as much as the physical. So embrace your whole self to achieve total health so you can function, laugh, love, and connect fully.

Assess your boundary health with Glen’s Boundaries Questionnaire.
Visit glenalex.com to subscribe to receive the questionnaire for free, to learn information on Glen’s self-paced course, Healthy Boundaries for Overwhelmed Women, and to purchase Living In Total Health.